With lockdown finally coming to a close, and the horrors of zoom university almost in the past, I’ve been trying to think of some fun activities to do over summer. Now, while I already have a bunch of ideas of varying quality and feasibility, the one I want to focus on in this post is an idea for a systemised Water Balloon fight. That’s right, it’s time for some more Primary School Sam wish fulfillment!
Now, back in my day (*shakes cane angrily at the sky*), water balloon fights were fairly unfeasible. See, the problem was that while you could easily go and buy some water balloons with your friends, you had to fill them all one by one, which took FOREVER. Not only that, but you had to physically tie them up, which was fairly difficult if you wanted any decent amount of water inside your balloon, and more often than not they’d end up bursting in your hands. So after like an hour of filling up and tying water balloons you were finally ready for action, filled with the sort of pent-up energy that can only come from an hour of waiting. You eagerly reach for your balloons, ready to get wet and have fun with your friends, when you have a shocking realisation: despite all that set-up time, you only have about 10 balloons each. Let me tell you, 10 water balloons is not an adequate amount of ammunition for a fight, let alone the war you were envisioning during the set-up phase. Assuming you only throw a balloon a minute, that’s still only 10 minutes of actual fighting; and realistically you’ll need to throw them far faster to have any fun. And at the end of all that, the reward for all that effort and time ended up being “oh we’re slightly wet”. There were no winners in the water balloon fights of old, only losers.
Luckily though, we live in the future now! And let me tell you, water balloon technology has come a long way. Nowadays for the measly sum of $10, you can get a pack of 100 water balloons that fill up all at once AND self seal! And with this technological innovation, as well as a set of rules to determine a victor, a proper fun water balloon fight just might be possible.
How is this not talked about more, we literally solved the water balloon problem in our lifetimes!
The Plan
Now this is just a rough outline of how I think it would work, but I’m definitely up for suggestions or refinements to the rules if, uh, anyone actually ends up reading this blog.
Materials:
Essential
- 3 or more players
- It’s not really a proper fight if there’s only 2 people, let’s be honest.
- A pack of 100 Self-Sealing Water Balloons, per player.
- And possibly an extra pack in case things go wrong.
- One implement per person.
- Some way to measure water.
- Eg. Measuring jug, or bucket and a scale if you want to be extra precise.
Optional
- 1 or more Sponges per player.
- Depending on how you want to do scoring.
- Some form of water resistant tape
- For the sponges.
- Goggles?
- A Trophy / Medal / Oil.
- Every war needs it’s prize.
Gameplay:
The objective of the game is simple: Be the least wet player after an hour of warfare. Of course it’s difficult to measure wetness, especially when the sun is being lame and evaporating water. There’s really no way around this without some sort of contraption that could block out the sun, so this will have to be part of the game’s strategy (i.e. water bombs are more effective as time goes on).
If only someone could do this in real life.
Despite this complication, Wetness will be measured by wringing out players’ clothes at the end of the hour, and measuring the amount of water their clothes absorb. Of course this has a few problems, in that it assumes that everyone is wearing an equivalent amount of clothing (otherwise the optimal play is to get completely naked and wait out the hour), and that everyone is willing to take off their clothes to measure the water (this can be done in a bathroom of course, but that makes it easier to cheat).
Thus, an alternate rule-set would be the use of absorbent objects such as sponges, which would be taped onto several points on the body. This would get around these issues, as well as making the game harder (since you have to aim), but it does increase the cost and ease of access of the game. A happy medium could be the use of one or two sponges on the head or chest in addition to measuring clothing wetness, where the sponges would act as bonus points to increase the difficulty of the game.
Everyone will get 100 self-sealing water balloons each, which can either be filled before the game or during the game, depending on the player’s preference. Each player will also be allowed to bring one implement of choice to use during the game. This implement can be any reasonable, non-powered object, where reasonableness is determined by a majority vote from the other players. Ostensibly, this implement will be some form of transportation to help carry the water balloons (e.g. Bucket, trolley, etc.), since carrying 100 water balloons by hand is stupidly difficult; but a player could choose to forgo the transportation of their balloons for the use of something like a blunt dart to pop other peoples balloons, or even a water gun (although how many times it could be filled up would have to be decided before play).
Depending on how many players you have, you could also have teams, or alliances, to spice the game up. Teams would be established before the game, and would be immutable (i.e. no changing teams). The final score for teams would be a culmination of both their water totals. However, another form of play could be alliances, which are distinct from teams in that they’re not formal, and not immutable. Alliances would work by players choosing to team up, either in a Survivor-esqe plotting session that occurs just before the game starts, or naturally during the gameplay. Unlike teams, a member of an alliance can choose whether or not to have their final water total be counted as a team, or as an individual, adding the ability for a player to backstab and plot their way to victory. While alliances would add an interesting psychological aspect to the game, they also could backfire and cause arguments and hurt feelings, so be careful before deciding to allow them.
The field of play for this game could be anywhere, with each location coming with its own pro’s and con’s. For example, while someone’s backyard would allow for more privacy for the game, it would also restrict the space dramatically. However, while something like a park would allow for a much larger field of play, you’d have to be mindful of the other people using the park, and you’d run the risk of civilian fire.
So yeah, I think these rules could be used for a super fun water fight, but this is kind of the top of my head so there might be problems I haven’t noticed. I also haven’t proofread this whatsoever, so hopefully it’s intelligible. But anyway, game on!